We are in the third month of the year and I am going through yet another mid-mid life crisis (slightly dramatic). As I write to you I have made some decisions based on my current situation and what I want my future to be like!
- I am technically homeless
- I have practically zero in the bank
- I am transitioning with friends
- There is no love interest on the horizon
- All these adorable babies coming into my life are making me BROODY as all get out
So up until today I have been feeling quite crap, this is not a comfortable place for me as I generally try to be an up and happy person, sprinkling positivity wherever I go…or something. This time I have allowed myself to give into my emotions and be sad, feel helpless and lost and stop trying to be ok for other people. I think it was good up to a point and the point of ‘enough’ came this morning.
Being and feeling depressed is boring, tiring and not fun – I don’t like the feeling especially when there is lots to do, it just makes me feel stressed. So I flipped open the bible to see what God wanted to tell me and started reading Psalms chapter 90. Now a few weeks ago I kept getting this verse coming to me wherever I was ‘teach me to number my days so I may have a heart of wisdom’.
I heard it in church when I was trying to figure out which way next, then I heard it at a funeral of a young woman who died suddenly at the age of 27 and so it kept playing in my mind. Then today about two months later that is the verse in the random chapter I had opened on and I am taking it as a message.
As I sat there in bed feeling all sorry for myself and then saw that verse I mentally shook myself. No I don’t have a home of my own but I have a list of people who have opened their homes to me, my bank account is a transitional thing it may not be bursting at the seams now but I have the capacity to do something about that, yes some of my friendships are coming to an end or adjusting to being something else and this can be (is) painful, but other people are coming into my life and bringing so much. I have nothing to say about love other than I will leave it in God’s hands, the same goes for the babies!
So I am counting my lucky stars and giving myself a new attitude because life is short or long and whatever it is I was put her to learn, grow and enjoy it! So how dare I wallow in a pointless bad mood when I can get up and change it all, starting now!