After the fast comes a New day, a New way!

Fasting was a positive experience for me and one I will definitely continue to practice. All I asked the experience to bring me, it did and I am grateful for that. Fasting with an area of focus in mind to pray, meditate and direct action too was very rewarding. Your mind opens up to possibilities and your focus compels you to action and so you can actually see the differences happening.

Being in a concentrated space of prayer and gratitude mentally does have an impact on your attitude and puts you in a generally more positive place. I prayed for clarity and direction in a number of areas. I am now in a place where I have a path to follow, it is unexpected, a little scary but super exciting. It is, in my mind, a complete deviation from who I thought I was and what my life journey would look like but that’s the point ‘He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. (Romans 8: 27 – 29)

So based on that I am following the voice of the spirit inside and taking action to bring God’s plan for me into reality.

Exciting times people!

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Fasting, Focus and Stephen Covey

I decided I was ready to commit to fasting for 3 days, I have read about the process, asked people and thought about it but never done it. I kept feeling like I wasn’t ready as I wanted to do it for spiritual reasons but had blown it up to be this huge thing and so kept ‘preparing’.

Monday I just decided from Tuesday to Thursday I will fast and break my fast at 6pm with wholesome food. I would drink water and herbal tea as my sustenance and I will just see how this goes. Yesterday was day 1 and I was happy with the process. Happy in the sense that every time I felt a hunger pang I would pray, say thank you or reflect on the purpose of my fast. Ah yes about that…the purpose. So I was drawn to fasting now as I have been praying for clarity of direction and purpose in practically EVERY area of my life. Currently I am going through change, transition, transformation and bouts of limbo. All of these feelings are unsettling.

Through prayer I got a word ‘adjustment’, and then I felt led to read a book I have been looking at on my bookshelf for the last 4 months. The book is ‘7 Habits of Successful People’ by Stephen Covey. In the first few pages he talks about paradigm shifts, again ‘adjustment’. He invites us to consider that we all have a Paradigm ‘it’s the way we “see” the world-not in terms of our visual sense of sight, but in terms of perceiving, understanding, interpreting.’ (p.23) He goes on to talk about how our Paradigm’s are our own and often very different from everyone else’s. Therefore your world is influenced by your Paradigm and other people are experiencing the same through their paradigm, we are not all living or experiencing the same world in the same way no matter how much it feels to us like we are.

For me, this made me think that I can adjust my Paradigm as it is an ‘interpretation’ it is not a ‘fact’ and therefore I can find how to transform myself into the person I need to be to do the things I want to do, my purpose.


Through fasting I am hoping to be more alert to my guiding voice, my spirit, my God within me who has been actively, I feel, guiding my path as left to myself I have been meandering for some time. Covey in a talk I found on YouTube talks about being quiet, still and just listening to what comes to you – that is what I believe this time will help me to do.

With this feeling of ‘the time for manifestation is now’ it felt right to fast and focus. It is not easy but I suppose that is the point, when something needs effort it instigates thought and reflection into what you are doing and why you are doing it. This being the Christian period of Lent, which encourages a time of reflection, it all feels very natural that, that time for me to be ready is now.

That is all for now, when I have more to share I shall be back.

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It was all a dream – Inspired by a thought of another

‘Is this just real life, is this a fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality’

I had a fantasy, an expectation of how this trip to London would play out, the introduction to the ‘new phase’. I was excited about that vision, what it would look like, feel like, be like and pretty much as soon as I got here I have been on a landslide to reality. Is it safe to have expectations, is it advisable to dream and allow yourself to be invested in that dream?

These are the thoughts taking space in my mind, these are the thoughts causing emotional responses in my body. I feel like there is a lesson I am being taught and something I am supposed to take from my current position and it is slowly becoming clearer.

It is the eve of my birthday and so it is quite interesting that it is now I am having some kind of break through, though to take the mystical out of it – I think I have been ‘busy’ and ‘distracted’ until right now this minute. I have relaxed, I let my guard done and without the tension the emotion and thoughts have come spilling out. It is a relief.

This is the beginning of a thought, if you have been thinking about something similar please share and assist me on this path of exploration.

Fantasy, reality, thoughts become things or not – the right/ strongest thoughts become a reality?

The over arching message I am discerning from books, conversations, signs and intuitive moments seems to be around what could be considered as being selfish; one must focus on developing oneself. We don’t NEED other people to appreciate us so we can appreciate ourselves. Rather we grow and contribute to others when we know ourselves and how to GIVE and RECEIVE positively. Not an easy lesson and seems to involve stripping back the majority of what we have been taught and socialised to believe. Yet I am thinking it is both beneficial and necessary.

I will be gently re-evaluating my fantasies (conscious creation of a preferred reality) and paying attention to my dreams (subconscious indicators of a possible reality) to see what kind of reality will benefit myself and those close and connected to me the most.

Because life is easy come, easy go and I would like to continue locating the best way of experiencing this life I’ve been given.

Thanks for listening

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Conversation, Coffee and Commitment

Yesterday morning I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep with all the thoughts jockeying for position in my head. I had been back in the UK 9 days and it has been an emotional avalanche.  When I was thinking about this earlier one song kept playing in my head ‘can’t keep running away’. The thing is that is not what I thought I was doing.

I have seen that living in Ghana gave me that distance from this ‘World’ and so while not running away I was a part from it and so was unknowingly comfortable in that space. My world revolved around no electricity or water or the strength of the Cedi playing a game of ‘how low can you go’. To be fair the cedi is back on the rise which is a good thing.

So I woke up feeling like I had the woes of the world hovering over me, to get away from my thoughts (no, not running away) I decided to go for a walk, which turned into a decision to take my diary and go for a coffee and write it out.

I sat in the coffee shop with coffee, well soya mocha , to the right of me and pen in hand, diary open and ready to receive. I started writing but it was stunted, forced. This wasn’t the catharsis I had been planning on. Suddenly at 9.30 am on a Sunday morning I hear my name, I look up momentarily blinded from the sun behind the owner of the voice and, to be honest, the fact I didn’t have my glasses on so couldn’t see so good.

It was a friend I haven’t seen for ages and usually see in Ghana. To say I was surprised was an understatement, but pleasantly so because I knew something was going to happen, I had been brought out on this cold morning out of my bed to meet him. So I closed my diary smiled and opened myself up to what was to come. Also just earlier in the week I had said I missed the fact in Ghana I would bump into someone I knew wherever I went, I had also specifically used my coffee visit in the same establishment to exemplify how I wasn’t bumping into people.

My God did not disappoint. I truly believe that as you need something or someone it will come to you with patience and an open heart. The conversation we had covered Ghana and helped me clarify some thinking on my relationship with Ghana, circumstances of life and how we respond and our role in creating a better future and what that even means. It was perfect.

There have been 2 phrases and a third was introduced in this conversation which I refuse to accept in totality. These are:

  1. It is what it is
  2. That’s life
  3. We are all F*c%$d

In all cases I believe yes perhaps right now but it could all change in a moment, you could change or change it in a moment, or a bit longer. What if it isn’t what it seems to be? What if what you can see is only the surface or the beginning or an indicator of something else? Another choice or path?

That is life if you agree that it should be this way or that way. What is it about it you don’t like and can that be changed? Are you willing to make those changes? No? Then yes That’s life. There are the elements that are part of the life cycle – birth, illness, death and I have to agree there is little we can do to change those happenings. What we can change/ manage is our response to those things.

The conversation this morning woke me up and picked me up so I am so grateful for my tall, dark, handsome friend who wondered in out of the cold for a strong black coffee to wake him up. We both ended up having an unexpected awakening, as he said ‘damn this corner of Costa’ as revelation after revelation revealed themselves to us. Unasked but at the end quite welcome.

So many areas were touched upon but the overall outcome, the guiding light was quite simply this. At the end all we can do is live our best life for us, if in so doing you inspire and help others all the better but the focus must stay clear for you. All other people’s opinions, thoughts, helpful support means nothing if it is not in-line with your personal journey, your personal truth. So take that step, face forward and remember nothing matters as much as you think it does right now, so choose how you are going to live this life for you, commit to it and get started.

Really happy I listened to the voice and got out of bed yesterday morning cos it was cold outside :-)

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Because I’m happy…and the future is bright

Today has been one of those days which is amazing. It is a turning point I know deep within my everything that this is what I want to be doing and doing and doing. I honestly feel I was guided to do this. I have had this feeling before and I didn’t follow through, as everything started to come together it freaked me out and I ran off.

Not this time because it feels too good. It feels like the best meal, the best thing you could have happen actually take place. It feels like a blessing and I would be some kind of ungrateful being not to take my blessing and make as much of it as I can.

So deep breath in and let’s start walking down the path to my future. Thank you Lord

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Freak Out

Good morning I am at one of those moments, you know when you are shaping your life into the way you want it to be and then you realise its actually working so you freak out.

Not a major running up and down the halls naked or sitting in a corner and refusing to speak type of freak out. No my freak out comes subtly, quietly, innocuously, it comes by sending a gentle proliferation of negative thoughts that seem so plausible that I am convinced it is the truth. It fills me with a strong and consuming lethargy that makes every act seem momentous. My freak out is gentle and quiet and insidious, my freak out is very effective in turning my dreams and ambitions into the shoulda woulda coulda’s that destroy your soul and fill you with a resounding disappointment with yourself.

Thankfully I am becoming more in-tune with my early warning system. I am not a jealous or envious person by nature, so I know all is not well with me when I start feeling these emotions towards others for very particular reasons. If their actions echo that of what I want to do or where I want to be then I start to feel the green eyed monster and that is where I am now. Which is also why I am sitting here writing this, I am taking note of my early warning system and going to start taking steps to get firmly on my path and start walking it.

How will I feel when I get over this bump in the road and get to my destination, or at least the next rest stop in my own ongoing journey? That’s both the cause of excitement and the reason my self preservation mode is trying to slam on the brakes. Send me lots of positive thoughts and I’ll keep you updated.

What are your coping mechanisms when Self Sabotage is trying to rear its ugly head?


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Can you be too blessed? Can you feel too lucky?

I’m not bragging (or maybe I am a touch) but I know there are some who are attracted to my random way of life. From the outside (and inside sometimes) it looks exciting…taking on the wilds of Africa (ok urban centre of Ghana called Accra), forging a life as a great entrepreneur (that shit was hard…have a job now which I am enjoying and learning from), making new friends and making new conquests (don’t believe the hype…it gets bloody lonely!)

But I love it. I have met some wonderfully supportive people, I am learning, growing and experiencing life in fresh and interesting ways. The good times, the bad times have all been blessings. I am abundantly blessed, so much so, that I have the fear.

What fear? That ‘too good to be true’ fear, that ‘wake up and smell the coffee’ fear, the ‘that’s the way life goes’ fear. I have the fear.

We talk of balance, of ying and yang, statistics, other peoples life experiences and fear the blessings, because nobody is happy all the time, right?

Right now I am clinging on to my blessings, I am speaking allowed my positive truth and I am gearing myself up to have a chat with God. Because I am blessed and I am grateful and I don’t want to let the fear in, but its foot is in my door way. And so I remind myself…

I am blessed. I am blessed. I am blessed…

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The pursuit of perfectness

I want to be great. I want to be the best at what I do so I know I can be the best at something I do.

My problem is I am a self saboteur in almost every area of my life. I both am running too and, unfortunately, running even stronger from success.

My mission, and I choose to accept it, is to support myself to be amazing. I know it is inside me to do so because I have seen glimpses of it. My aim now is to own the skills and abilities I have and make them work for me consistently.

I have been shown the beautiful way forward of using the ability to transform everything into bite sized chunks. Breaking down my big goal to very small parts and addressing the small parts.

This is manageable, gives you the small wins and makes you feel and see that you are making progress. I love it.

The pursuit of perfection, accomplishment, being the best really does start with baby steps. You know in your mind where you want to go and then focus on the steps to getting there…because eventually you will get there!

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He said he crossed oceans

Why is it so hard to believe in the good stuff? The nice things? The shiny smiley happily ever after?

He said he crossed oceans to submerge himself in me. First thought, what a great line. Second thought, I wonder why he really came here.

I am pretty much a cup half full kind of girl. Always looking for the positive, the lesson, the brighter side of life. Yet, when something good or desired happens I start waiting for the flip side to occur…to every light there is a dark. Or is there?

He did indeed cross oceans and he did indeed submerge himself in me and I in him. Though he didn’t know it at the time I had put it to the universe to have just this kind of experience with him, (true in my mind the setting had a beach, outdoor jacuzzi and a view that was transcendent) I asked and I received.

So I got what I asked for and it was great. So why can’t I believe he crossed oceans for me? Is the gesture too amazing to accept that there is a human on this planet who would consider me valuable enough to cross oceans for?

In all honesty, yes. So I reflect on some sage advice from a young wise one in my world who said ‘you need to put yourself on a pedestal more’.

Good can come and just be good. I am climbing up onto my pedestal and going to make myself stay here until I am comfortable with putting me in this special position.

It really is true, if I don’t think I should be up here how can others believe it and how can I receive it as an honest, true representation of another’s regard for me when they treat me as pedestal girl.

He crossed oceans to help my mind surmount a chasm and we both got something pretty valuable and amazing on the other side.

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Thank you 2013

I am a navel gazer, I am and I love it and I encourage others to join me. I am exploring and exploring who I am and I have epiphanies, and painful realisations and I grow. 2013 was a year of having mirrors thrust before me with the demand I look at who I am and acknowledge all aspects and then accept them.

This was difficult and challenging. This was also one of the best years of my life, I know who I am better than ever before. The key things that have helped are honesty and responsibility. Being able to see my role in the situations that occur in my life have changed how I see the world and my position in it. We so often run away from uncomfortable situations especially when we know that to some degree we have contributed to them. The idea of the perceived retribution is something our minds grasp and manipulate until it becomes something huge, unmanageable and deeply scary. Fear.

It is so easy to let clichés, affirmations, positive statements fall from our lips ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’ ‘You only live once just do it’ yet our associations with these statements are generally restricted to fun, daring, exciting events/ situations. Push the bungee jumping and parachute jumping and all other forms of life threatening but truly exhilarating jumping aside and think of the less fun jumping. Jump in and take responsibility for conflict in your life that you feel ‘is not your fault’. No matter what it is we always have a role to play and once we recognise that and deal with that a whole situation can change.

‘I didn’t read the small print…so hands up and now how can we find a solution to this problem’ ‘I knew he/she didn’t really want to be with me but I wanted it so I pushed for us to work…forgive the ex and move on’ the list goes on. If we approach life with this sense of responsibility and honesty with and to ourselves we ultimately will benefit. Negative feelings, irritability, anger, stress, worry all can come out of your system because you have dealt with your part and now you are free to fill that space with more positive endeavours like the bungee jump…or something.

It isn’t easy and I am practising it every day but what I have found from when I started doing this last year, around September/ October, is that it is getting easier and so is my life. I am happier, I feel braver and more confident in myself and I don’t have to waste chunks of my precious life concerned with things that with the spirit of a modern warrior I can change  or conquer.

Bring it on 2014 we are ready for you!

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