That malingering feeling

I have this ongoing cold that won’t pack up and head out. I’m functioning but it clouds my mind and makes thinking, decision making and just generally being present very difficult.

What doesn’t help is this little voice inside questioning whether I’m ill or whether I’m using it as an excuse. An excuse for what? Well to get out of making future choices. Looking at my career and being honest with myself about what I’m doing, what I want to do and how I’m going to do that.

I’ve spent so much time being disappointed with myself and taking the easy, though comfortably uncomfortable route, that making the change feels huge.

I gifted myself little steps yesterday. I looked at where I am now and told myself that we pick one thing (health) and focus on improving that and then we can move on to the next thing.

It helped but that wall of ‘what next’ still looms high, blocking my light and making it hard to see my path. Still, if I want to stop malingering with my life decisions like this cold then wall or no wall I’ve got to get on with it. Step by step, right?

Your punch is mightier than you know

I had dinner with my friend last night. Very wise, fun and deeply knowledgeable woman and we were talking about my love of kickboxing. The conversation then went on to me trying to figure out my place and purpose, asking questions like what is my value? Am I achieving something that would make God proud?

As we explored and talked round these things, with large lovely glasses of pinot grigio, we came back to kickboxing. Kickboxing is fast becoming my teacher of life lessons and self development. So we got on to talking about my sparring with her daughter (another story…one of coincidence and serendipity) and I was saying that I didn’t think my punch was very strong though her daughter had said it was but think she was just being nice.

My friend sips from her glass, turns to me and says ‘your punch is more impactful than you know.’ BOOM she just told me about my life, right there. So often we do the things we do just because it is within us to do them and they are the norm. Because they are the norm we don’t recognise how meaningful, how transformatory, how impactful what we do, or say, or convey just by being us truly is.

Today I have had a number of conversations that, I believe, were orchestrated by God (my higher power) which were people telling me about how they value me, or had heard I was a good person to talk to/ work with. In the same way I clearly underestimate the impact of my punch, I am also underestimating the impact of my work (not job) in this world.

Beyond ego when you underestimate the positive impact you have in life it is easy for you to devalue your self and stop doing what has been so helpful to some and could be essential to many more.

Are you underestimating the mighty punch you being you is having on the world? Why do you think you are and what could help you appreciate and really see the valuable human being you are? I really would like to know, if you are comfortable please share with me and let’s look for solutions together!