Your punch is mightier than you know

I had dinner with my friend last night. Very wise, fun and deeply knowledgeable woman and we were talking about my love of kickboxing. The conversation then went on to me trying to figure out my place and purpose, asking questions like what is my value? Am I achieving something that would make God proud?

As we explored and talked round these things, with large lovely glasses of pinot grigio, we came back to kickboxing. Kickboxing is fast becoming my teacher of life lessons and self development. So we got on to talking about my sparring with her daughter (another story…one of coincidence and serendipity) and I was saying that I didn’t think my punch was very strong though her daughter had said it was but think she was just being nice.

My friend sips from her glass, turns to me and says ‘your punch is more impactful than you know.’ BOOM she just told me about my life, right there. So often we do the things we do just because it is within us to do them and they are the norm. Because they are the norm we don’t recognise how meaningful, how transformatory, how impactful what we do, or say, or convey just by being us truly is.

Today I have had a number of conversations that, I believe, were orchestrated by God (my higher power) which were people telling me about how they value me, or had heard I was a good person to talk to/ work with. In the same way I clearly underestimate the impact of my punch, I am also underestimating the impact of my work (not job) in this world.

Beyond ego when you underestimate the positive impact you have in life it is easy for you to devalue your self and stop doing what has been so helpful to some and could be essential to many more.

Are you underestimating the mighty punch you being you is having on the world? Why do you think you are and what could help you appreciate and really see the valuable human being you are? I really would like to know, if you are comfortable please share with me and let’s look for solutions together!

On the other side of pain

I have entered the wonderful world of martial arts through kickboxing. It truly is having a profound impact on my life and how I am viewing my abilities and reviewing what I think I like and what I could love if I gave myself the chance.

I never thought any form of combat sport was for me – something so physical, actually I did play with the idea of rugby and did nothing about if, but I am finding kickboxing feels so good.

Thinking about rugby actually brings me back to the theme of this post. The idea of getting hurt put me off rugby, made me question martial arts, enabled procrastination and self – sabotage to lead my life.

But I’m realising on the other side of pain is new life, new opportunities, a new you or the ability to see the true you more clearly. On the other side of pain is me.

Happy New Year…well that is up to you!

Do you believe? I believe. Or at least I am believing that I can decide what happens next in my life. I imagine in a way similar to how the new Black Mirror film works (I have yet to see it), I hear the viewer can have some input into the direction of the film as you watch.

It would be good if I had some direction of my life. The thing is I do but I keep letting my self-doubt tell me I don’t and messing things up for myself. But something has changed. It is 2019 and I am now 40.

Something has stirred in me now I am in a whole new decade. Perhaps something to do with the fact that I am not where I thought I would be, I do not feel how I thought I would feel and I know without a shadow of a doubt my life is my choice if I am brave enough. So no more safety net, the jig is up, I have seen the Matrix…so which pill?

I could go onnnnnnn about Matrix, but for now that is all, but I am sure we will be revisiting. out of curiosity, which pill would you take? Not so hasty, how much real can you or do you want to take? have a think and then let me know!

So as I was saying….

I woke up one morning before my birthday and emailed people I love and trust with some questions/ statements I wanted them to complete about me. These were׃

What I like about Elvina is…..

 

Elvina would benefit from improving…… About herself

 

What surprises me about Elvina is….

 

What annoys me about Elvina is….

 

Elvina is my friend because…..

Initial responses were ‘Are you sure about this?’ and ‘You are brave.’ It wasn’t until the day before my birthday when I wanted to be all deep and reflective and read them that I thought, well this could end badly. But of course it couldn’t, not really. I had asked people who loved me and so anything they wrote for me could only be for my own benefit from their point of view and from a place of love for me.

Of course the responses were not so surprising…hmmm that is not actually true. While the suggestions for improvement were not surprising some of the responses were not what I would have expected from the contributor. In any case the main thing is that their responses hit home and made me take pause.

I have been uncomfortable, or rather, more uncomfortable since having read them living in my status quo. I don’t want to live my life as a dream deferred, I can see what happens to it. It becomes shrivelled and bitter and nightmarish until all you want to do is wake up and get away from yourself. I think 40 is old enough to know that is not God’s or my plan for my life.

So here I am closing my eyes and taking a jump with intention and in the full knowledge that I need support, accountability and a very strong and compelling why to keep me going.

Me, writing this is a start. Me posting a second and a third is practically call for celebration. So let’s say when I get to my tenth post within 2 months, 21st March, I can do something super special for myself. I’m not sure what yet but suggestions are welcome ׃-)

This feels good, pressing publish will feel even better! Happy New Life…..